I found that my disordered eating was made even worse by my relationship with exercise. Here’s what I had to do to repair my relationship with exercise to stop bingeing.
So quick back story:
I started running in high school and loved it because of how the competition feels. There is such a rush in the challenge running competitively takes on the body and the strategy behind doing your best.
The problem came when competitive racing became a way for me to fuel my disordered eating. I was able to do long intense workouts without people in my life asking questions. I was praised for my dedication to “health,” while I was undernourishing my body and overexercising regularly.
Running as well as other sports can be really hard on your body image. The people I saw thriving at running were in a certain body type that I did not see myself as. I was filled with the idea that if I had a smaller body, I would be able to run faster as well as outside factors such as being more liked by the people around me if I was in a smaller body.
This created a very morphed image of myself and lit fire to my already disordered relationship with food and is really what started my bingeing in the first place.
1.I had to take a step back from intense exercise
If you find yourself feeling guilty for missing a day of exercise, that is your red flag to take a step back. I tried to just cut back, but found myself feeling even more guilty. What worked for me was to stop completely for a little while and start back slowly.
This can be really frustrating if you are used to being at a certain level of fitness. I felt weak and lacked the endurance I thought I needed to be “in shape.” This need to be “in shape” was an excuse to chase a smaller body, which I knew was not what I needed.
2. I had to stop using fitness apps
I used to always wear a fitbit and track my exercise in Myfitnesspal. These apps would give me accomplishments and calories “allowed.” That placed a lot of pressure on my relationship with food and led to the feeling of needing to “earn” calories to eat. It also consumed my thoughts throughout the day to try and get enough steps, minutes of exercise, etc.
This created a mental restriction even when I was working on allowing all foods. At the time it prevented me from making progress healing my relationship with food and kept me in the binge/restrict cycle.
3. I had to take rest days seriously
Trying to make rest days just “easier” didn’t cut it. Breaking the food rule of earning calories from exercise was so hard for me, I had to consciously make myself rest. This became weeks when I would not exercise at all outside of activities with friends and that’s okay!
This taught me that exercise does not have to be a strict regimen and listening to my body became easier. Movement became more enjoyable and I craved movement that I enjoyed.
As my relationship with exercise improved I was also working on my relationship with food, but earning my food was one of the biggest food rules I had to overcome so working on my relationship with exercise was very important to stop my binge eating.
I am now able to nourish my body, move in ways I enjoy and with intentions that have nothing to do with my appearance. I do have to continue to work on this relationship and mentality on days and seasons when I do not feel the greatest about my body image.
I hope this post gave you some insight and hope from my own experience. How does exercise impact your relationship with food?
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